


A Toast to our Distant Future

by artsyfartsyWrites



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Blood and Violence, Coran (Voltron) is the best, Eye Trauma, F/M, Gay Keith (Voltron), Injury Recovery, Keith (Voltron) Has ADHD, Keith (Voltron) internally oblivious to his own feelings, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron) is a pinning mess, M/M, Major Character Injury, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars, Shiro (Voltron) Can't Cook, Shiro (Voltron) is a sassy shithead, Shiro (Voltron) is an irresponsible dad who loves his children, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), get your shit together boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 11:49:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8843581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyfartsyWrites/pseuds/artsyfartsyWrites
Summary: The war in space against the Galra Empire has continued, even after the death of Zarkon and Lotor's take over. Through all of the battles life has continued on and somewhere between running for their lives and freeing the universe love has creeped in. This follows Keith perspective though the last few years of the war and what happens when love smacks him in the ass.Updates on Mondays





	1. Changes happen in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my lovely Key who has been my co pilot for this crazy crap. 
> 
> Fair warning this is a slow slow ride into Klance hell!!

Hans Zimmerman Interstellar - Main Theme

* * *

 

 

“ _Paladins, we’re coming!” Allura shouted over the static in their coms.  
_

_It was a chaotic dash across the empty rock plateau as everyone pushed and fought their way through the trap the Galra had laid. Heart racing, Keith sliced down a sentry that leapt at him and punched another that came towards him from the side. He saw Pidge just yards away from him, whipping the end of their bayard around like a lasso yanking the feet out from under a Galra three times their size and Shiro fighting his way through a group that worked desperately to pin him back._

_The ground lurched under him and for a moment sand and rock clouded his vision. Rolling to his feet he ignored the pain in his hip and pushed toward the sound of Hunk’s pained scream. It had gone all wrong. The distress signal was a fake. It had been copied and planted in a long time abandoned ship with the hopes of drawing them in and it worked._

_Anger, fear and desperation twisted in his stomach and burn his throat with acid. Sounds collided with each other and just over the battle he could barely hear Red’s roar. Panting, he rolled behind an upturned rock face and fought back the urge to scream. He felt more than saw Pidge slide down beside him. Their helmet was streaked with fluids from the sentry droids and they were clutching at their elbow, through the screen Keith could just make out the bleached color of Pidge’s face._

_Another explosion and they were launched feet from where they had tucked down. Shiro’s shouting cut over the ringing and his hands, rough and trembling, were shaking his shoulders._

_“Keith, we have to move. Don’t stop.” Shiro shouted._

_“Pidge?” Keith shook his head. There was a buzzing in his helmet and a worrying little clicking noise that must have been pieces flicking off._

_Looking up, he stopped breathing. There were Druids mixed into the fight and Haggar stood on a precipice overlooking the destruction below her. White hot rage burned off the pain he felt when he saw who she was looking at. Hunk and Lance, cornered in shallow trench. Lance was making blind shots at the Druids as they got close and Hunk was keeping their sides safe with large sweeping blasts._

_“Shiro, they can’t see her!” Keith shouted and bolted. “Haggar’s above them. They can’t see.”_

_He could barely hear Shiro shouting for him to wait. Racing towards them he watched as the gap between yellow and blue grow as they tried to hold off the opposite advance. Whipping his head he noticed Haggar was gone. Fantic, he cut down whatever barreled into his path not stopping to see if he had made a killing strike._

_There were screams, desperate shouts all about him, the chilling sound of Druid magic and weapons. His own heart and breathing and god the fear in the voices of those he cared for. He was so close and it still felt too far to reach. He felt everything in him cusp and spill over. He suddenly was eight years old again clutching to the phone while his world crashed around him and completely helpless._

_Haggar reappeared faced towards Lance. Her arms raising._

_Keith dropped his bayard and threw up his shield and leapt._

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

   _  
“It's a distress signal. We as Voltron have a duty to heed that call.” Allura pressed._

_“I’m not saying that we shouldn’t go. I just think that we should be careful. The empire had a major foothold on this planet.” Matt pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed._

_“The boy is right.” Kolivan said and raised his hands to appease when Allura growled at him. “A small team - ”_

_“No. The last time we did that we almost got separated again.” Pidge snapped from the end of the table._

_“Then what do you suppose we do?” Lance huffed._

_Keith watched them as everyone pitched sides to what seemed like an obvious answer. Hunk stepped in between Lance and Pidge when they edge towards each other. It was starting to get to them. With the end so close in sight and the near promise of a familiar solar system, they were wanting to go home. Shifting in his chair, he chewed his bottom lip and looked to Shiro, who had manage to pacify Matt for a moment._

_Rolling his eyes, he placed his fingers in his mouth and whistled shrill enough that Kolivan grunted in surprise and twitched his ear._

_“Look, fighting about it will get us nowhere. We don’t have time to question if it’s an old message or something new. Someone may need help. We can take the lion's down and scope the place out.”_

_“Here's what we can do.” Shiro smiled and glanced to the others._

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

“ _Keith.”_

_He turned and blinked at Lance as he hurried across Red's hangar. “What are you doing here? We’re supposed to be suiting up.”_

_“Yeah yeah, I know it’s just …” Lance trailed off. There was a pinch in his expression like he had swallowed something tart._

_“What?”_

_“I … I know this is bad luck but … I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Lance shifted. The gifted thin cuff and bangles on his wrist clicked against each other._

_“Lance we’ve gone through worse scrapes than this. We’ll be in an’ out and back on our way.” Keith rolled his eyes and smiled. He ignored the unpleasant shift at the base of his spine._

_“I know, I know but … I just ….” He shook his head. “Forget it.”_

_“Lance, what’s wrong you’ve been edgy for the past couple of days.” Keith asked and gently brushed his fingers against the bare skin of Lance’s arm._

_  
“It was -”_

_“Paladins prepare your lions for departure.” Allura cut through._

_“Lance …” Keith started and felt the air leave him when Lance pulled him into a tight hug. His helmet made a distant loud noise as it hit the floor._

_“Don’t do anything reckless.” Lance murmured into his hair._

_Confused Keith laughed and returned the hug slightly. “What’s gotten into you?”_

_“Nothing …” Lance stepped back and picked up the fallen helmet offering it back to Keith. “I ..Its nothing. I’ll tell you when we get back.”_

_Keith watched him hurry out and ignored the crawling feeling of dread inching up his spine as he climbed into Red._

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

“I need you to tell me what happened?”

“He’s not moving! Please! Please Help!” Keith screamed into the phone. Tears ran hot down his cheeks and he felt like his chest was an imploding star.

The lady on the phone tried to soothe him. Gentle words coaxing out the who and where he was through the garbled panic of his 8 year old self. He didn’t even notice when her voice shifted from a distant tone he remembered into one that made his blood run cold.

“He’s dead.” Haggar’s voice cut in like a stone dropping into glass pond.

Keith, his twenty-one year old self, reeled and staggered back from the phone. The sounds of a battle echoed off in the distance.

“He’s dead. You should see.” She gleed.

He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to know who she was talking about but he felt himself turn even as his mind protested.

Lance lay curled up on his side like he was sleeping but Keith knew better. He knew the way a corpse laid. Relaxed and stiff at the same time. He could see the glowing marks from Haggar’s magic splattered over his face and in the torn way parts of his armor. The rundown shack vanished away like sand in the wind and the battle was suddenly around him.

Screaming, he leapt towards her.

 

Keith gasped as he flung himself out of bed and onto the cool floor. Trembling he struggled to gain his bearings as the shack bled into his familiar room. Choking on a caught breath, he gagged on draining blood before dry heaving. Light flooded the room and he winced, throwing his arm out to block it.

“Keith? Keith, shit, you okay?” Shiro called out as he untangled the paladins legs and reached out for him.

“Shiro?” Was all he could croak out before he was lifted and moved.

“Yeah I’m here buddy. You’re okay.” Shiro murmured into the top of his head as he got him to stand. “Nightmare?”

“Yeah … I think so.” Keith started and caught Shiro’s arm when his balance tipped again.

“Keith, we need to talk about this.” Shiro sighed and leaned him against the wall, reaching for the sheet to press the end to Keith’s bleeding nose.

The memories shifted watery through his mind as he reoriented himself with where and when he was. Who he had just seen at dinner but even knowing that the panic barely settled. Seeing Lance’s prone form and Haggar cackling had him wanting to rage and throw up all at once.

“Shiro, I really don’t - ”

“No! You don’t get the choice now.” Shiro snapped and took a breath. “Keith, you’ve been in and out of reality for days now. Jumping at nothing and - !”

“What about you?!” Keith growled, an actually deep throated rumble that startled them both, as he ripped the sheet away from his face.

Shiro blinked and felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. “You know I don’t remember much. If could I …”

“You wouldn’t talk about it, Shiro. That’s just you. You’d spare us the details because you don’t want to hurt us with them or some other self-righteous reason.” Keith pushed off the wall and staggered over to the bathroom to rinse out his mouth and stop his bleeding nose.

“Hey, don’t turn this around to be about me.” Shiro turned him around. “Look you took a hit. A bad one. You’re not well and we can ALL see that. You can remember what happened, I can’t. We want to help you but you have to talk to us.”

Keith ground his teeth and glared at the wall. Half of his vision was black giving him a partial view of everything around him. He had gone completely blind in his left eye and that was the best thing the healing pods could do. What ever Haggar’s magic was doing the pod could only contain it. White hot rage bubbled in him at the thought of her again.

“Keith,” Shiro sighed and pulled him into a hug. “You … you’re family. Nothing is ever gonna change that. Just please …”

“It’s my dad.” Keith whispered. “I keep remembering my dad but ….”

Shiro eased back and looked at him. Keith’s eyes were wide and spooked. “But?”

He shook his head. “Please Shiro …”

“Is it Haggar?”

“It's always Haggar.” He growled again. “But not … she’s just … he’s dead.”

“Keith …. Your dad?”

“No! I mean yeah he’s dead but it's not him I’m seeing.” Keith pressed the heel of his hand, the one not banded to his side, to his forehead. “At the start it is but then it shifts into you guys. This time …. for a while now actually, it's been Lance.”

“What about Lance?” Allura said from the bathroom door and stepped back when the two jumped apart.

“Princess …” Shiro relaxed and Keith turned to the sink. “Keith’s been having nightmares that he’s died.”

“Shiro.”

“It’s alright, Keith. This is fairly common amongst the paladins. At least from what my father and Coran had told me. Life and death battles tend to wear down on the mind after some time.” She smiled soft and sweet at him and leaned against the door jam. Over the time they had spent together she had begun to take on less royal mannerisms around them. In some way it was comforting in others it almost made her more intimidating.

“But I can’t keep waking up like this. Wondering if this is all an illusion and Lance is really dead. That I failed! That we’d have to tell his family!” Keith spun back to them and started to shout.

“Keith, he’s not dead. Trust your instincts. Does any of this feel like it's still a dream?” Shiro reached for his arm and gave it a light pinch.

“Damn it, Shiro that’s not.” Keith jerked away.

“Keith, would it help you to see Lance?” Allura cut thru.

He shook his head. “Lance doesn’t really want to see me ....”

They fell quiet. He was right. Lance had begun to increasingly retreat not just from Keith but from all of them. Hunk had told Shiro that Lance barely spoke of his family any more. Coran could barely get him to talk about Earth. It was as if seeing Keith take the hit for him wiped all remaining innocence in him. Now it was just the mission.

“Come on.” Allura took Keith’s hand and tugged him out of the tiny room.

“Where are we - ?”

“I believe seeing Lance will help at least quell your mind for a moment. Sleeping with him even more.” She explained and staggered when Keith came to an abrupt halt.

“Sleep… What? No. I’m not going to sleep with Lance! Allura are you nuts?” He hissed and felt his face burn.

“Princess, that may not be - ”

“Why not? You sleep with me.” Allura rounded on Shiro.

“What?!”

“Princess!”

“What? When your night terrors have been too much we’ve shared a bed, have we not?” She grinned when he flushed.

“Well … I mean.”

“Oh so that’s where you run off too.” Keith smirked.

“What’s going on? You guys are being really loud for the middle of the night.” Pidge grumble from the front door.

“Oh, Shiro and Allura are sleeping together.” Keith smirked and caught Pidge’s shock then smirk before Shiro hurried to the door.

“Not like that!”

“Not like what? We are sleeping together. There’s no shame in it.” Allura bristled.

“It's the matter of wording Princess. Earth slang. If you will.” Pidge chuckled and side stepped around Shiro while he pressed his forehead against the wall.

“Explain.” She pinned them all with a stern look.

“‘Sleeping with’ can also mean sex.” Keith shrugged while grinning, checking his nose with the back of his hand.

There was a quick silence before Allura sputtered and the marks on her cheeks glowed faintly. “Oh. Ah well. That was not what I was meaning. I was referring to you actually resting beside Lance.”

“Whoa, wait what?” Pidge grinned.

“Keith should - ”

“And NOPE. I’m stopping you there.” Keith waved his hand. Having the tables turn on him he felt his face flush again.

“Sleep next to Lance. If he’s been having nightmares then the presence of another may help soothe him.” Allura continued.

“It's not a bad idea.” Pidge stretched.

“I’m sorry. What? This is Lance we’re talking about. He tolerates me or did. He doesn’t even want to look at me now.” Keith huffed deep to keep his voice from breaking into an actual whine.

“I don’t know. Lance tends to let his gaze drift to you pretty often.” Pidge felt her smirk fall into something a bit more sociable. A difficult feat when teasing could be done.

“Come again?”

“It's just an observation but I think that he’s worried about you and maybe scared. We almost lost you.” She stared hard at the ground. “More than once Keith. He’s not the only one who’s struggling with it.”

With his memory still in pieces, he only heard and could remember bits of what happened. The week and a half spent in the healing pods. The constant back and forth in them afterwards. The long list of battles as they ran from the Pilxus Galaxy. He felt guilt rise in him and he sagged. Keith hated that he had put them through so much. He also hated that everyone had to take care of him, still, as well. The soft tap to his chin had him blinking at Pidge. She lowered her fist and grinned at him.

“Without what you did we could have lost Lance and Hunk. Besides we don’t mind taking up the slack for you till your ready.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah. Don’t expect it to last for too much longer.”

“Take as long as you have to Keith. We all want you better.” She said and turned back to the hall. “I’m going back to bed.”

The castle’s main hall lights flickered on and Pidge whimpered. Allura chuckled. “Just go Pidge. I think we’ll take a rest day.”

“Sweet!” She half ran out the door to her own room.

Keith chuckled as a thought dawned on him. “How did you know I woke up from a nightmare? I don’t remember screaming. If I did Pidge would have been the first to show.”

Shiro and Allura glanced at each other and he narrowed his glare at them.

“The castle has sensors in the rooms. Most of the time they are shut off for privacy. They monitor basic health levels. Chemical spikes, heart rates, things of that nature.” Allura hurried. “We … I turned the ones monitoring your room on because …”

“There were times it was hard to wake you. It was like you went to a coma. It startled us enough to try to monitor it.” Shiro finished.

Keith squirmed and looked around the tiny room that had become his home. “Are there cameras? Like everything is being recorded now?”

“No! Oh heavens no!. We would never. It uses the same technology as the pods and scanners in the castle’s frame. It sends us readings to our tablets. If something concerning happens, like a sharp spike in adrenaline and heart rate we get a message.” Allura tapped the cuff on her wrist and brought up a chart.

“Who?” He shifted on his feet.

“Just Shiro, I and Coran.”

That made him relax a bit but at the same time it raised his hackles. He didn’t want to be coddled. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“Fine?” Shiro huffed. “Keith, you didn’t just almost die. You did. Twice!”

“Shiro.” Allura warned and glanced between them.

“No! Tell me. What in the quiznak happened? Stop keeping me in the dark!” Keith shouted.

“You died. Once when we were getting you back to the ship. The second time in the pod.” Shiro leaned against the wall and slide down till he sat on the floor. “It scared all of us half to death. The Pods alarm just went off and Coran’s face drained of color.”

Keith suddenly felt like he had to sit and promptly did so on the floor. Allura eased down to join them.

“Keith, You keep going back and forth between being okay and lapsing. We can see that. Even without the monitors.” Allura eased closer to him and laid a gentle hand on his. “A lot of what happened is logged and if it’ll help bring some understanding to you I’ll let you read them but for now please trust us, all of the paladins, Coran and I as well, into taking care of you.”

Keith looked at her hand and the contrasts between their skin and then up to Shiro. He looked so tired and so much older, they both did. Giving a small nod he felt warmth spread through him at the smile that bloomed on both of their faces. “Okay.”

“Thank you.” Allura whispered to him and pulled him into a gentle hug.

“The break will be good for you.” Shiro grinned and patted his knee. “Give you a chance to learn something new.”

“Oh?” He perked up a bit.

“Resonance.” Shiro’s smile went even wider when Keith visibly deflated. “Kolivan said that he’s willing to send someone over to give you some pointers about how the Blade prepares for their own missions.”

It wasn't like he disliked working with the Blade. They were actually quite helpful since joining them in the fight. He was just on guard after getting the shit beat out of him years ago. ( Yeah, that still stung. ) It was an adjustment as well to suddenly have a large extended family that wanted to be there for him. Well half of them did, mostly the younger. Apparently some Galra had strong ties to their kin and Keith usually found himself meeting and being thought by more than just a handful of people and by those who wanted him around. That was a strange concept. He could handle the Voltron team and even Rosa on Earth, most of Blade was another matter.

Then about a year ago he suddenly met up with his mother. Krolia, one of the blades top spies, who had been working deep undercover keeping an eye on a weapon that if fallen into the wrong hands could have done some major damage. Battles and missions kept them from having the reunion that neither of them were quite ready for. Which suited him just fine. Was he bitter? Yeah, just a little bit but part of him was also elated that she was still alive and still cared deeply for him. He could remember small pieces of her being around when he was little. Gentle hands stroking his hair and humming softly till he fell asleep.

Kolivan had been tolerant for a while but urged Krolia back into the field. Saying that her place was there not hovering over her whelp and though part of Keith wanted her to stay, desperately wanted her to stay he knew that there was still a war. Kolivan sent another Galra, medically trained come on board to watch over him, Anthuri. He was one of the younger Blades and Keith had only seen him a few times when he was with the Marmora. They had gotten along, when he came with him and Krolia on a few missions. Even if Krolia couldn't be here it was comforting, a little, to have the familiar face.

“It seems to have stopped progressing.” Anthuri rumbled and pulled out another roll of gauze.

“That doesn't mean it's healing.” Keith grumbled and pressed at the irritated skin.

“Does it itch?” Anthuri swatted his hand.

“Yeah, like crazy.” Keith glared up at him.

“Then it's healing.” he chuffed. A Galran laugh.

Keith squirmed as Anthuri wrapped his arm, help him back into his shirt and then bind his arm back to his side.

“It's normal to feel restless at this time. You're a fighter and now your purpose is gone it's hard to find the patience. It's a fairly common aspect of Galran cubs. You'll have to teach yourself control till you can join your fellow Paladins. At this time you'll just be a hindrance.”

“Did you just call me a child?”

Anthuri smirked. “By my standards you are.”

Keith felt a snarl rise in him and clenched his jaw to keep it back. “You’re not that much older than me.”

“Your hackles are raised.”

“My what?” Keith faltered.

“The back of your neck. The fur there can rise as an intimidation method.”

“Humans don't … well actually.” Keith shook his head to clear the images of the Garrison public showers. “I don't have hair there.”

Kolivan raised a brow. “There's a mauve stripe there that says otherwise.”

Keith jumped off the table and crossed to the mirror. It took a bit of angling with his shoulder being stiff and his blind eye but he could see and feel, when he put his hand in place there was soft hair starting to run down his spine. “Holy?! I've never …”

“If you don't feel ill then it should be nothing to worry about.” Anthuri packed away the materials.

“Well I feel ill now.” Keith pressed a clammy hand to his forehead.

“Your body is merely changing. It's not uncommon”

“That's …” Keith wasn't sure how to put it into words.

“I doubt this will be the only change you'll feel or go through.” Anthuri turned to him and placed a heavy hand onto his shoulder. It was almost comforting. “We can discuss this with Coran and the princess to determine what is happening. I have my thoughts but it would be best to have others weigh in.”

“What's your theory?”

Anthuri’s ears twitched. “Haggar’s magic is reacting with the Galran blood within you. Possibly bring it to the surface.”

Keith felt the floor tilt. “Okay so I'm … have you seen this happen before?”

“No” he said and chuffed at the panic filtering on Keith's face. “but the Druid’s magic isn't the strangest thing in the universe but it is powerful and almost limitless in its creative uses.”

“Fantastic!” Keith exclaimed and threw up his good arm. “Is there anything else I should expect in my future?”

Anthuri tilted his head and pondered for a minute, taking in the enjoyment of making Keith squirm. It had been a long, long time since he had been around cubs, Keith's curiosity and nativity was refreshing.

“Anthuri.”

He chuffed. “No. I don't think so. Now shall we start on the lesson.”

Keith sighed. Even though they walked while Anthuri explained he still felt restless and his shoulder was driving him crazy with its itching. About an hour in Anthuri gave up and released him to go some place else. He felt bad for it, but he just couldn't focus.

Keith rubbed the back of his neck, over the soft fluff there. His body was changing. Normally he wouldn't have given a second or third thought about it but this seemed like it was a deliberate attempt. Wandering onto the bridge he was a little surprised to find it completely empty. Taking a seat in front of the large windows he watched the unfamiliar universe drift by. Sitting there he let his thoughts roam, shifting from childhood memories, to battles (wins and losses), to the individuals that he met and befriended and lost along the way. Who had nearly been lost.

  
“Keith?” Lance’s voice drifted into Keith’s hearing.

“Lance.” He managed to turn in time to see the soft worried expression on Lance’s face before it slipped away.

“Dinner’s ready. Didn’t you hear the announcement?” Lance made no move to come any closer than the door jam.

“No.” Keith sighed and looked back out towards the stars. “I was …..”

He didn’t quite know how to finish the sentence he had started.

“Lost to the universe?” Lance said though his voice seemed much closer now.

Keith felt his breath hitch and he carefully turned his head. Lance was standing just a few feet from him. The closest the blue paladin had ever been since the attack. “Yeah, you could say that.” he smiled, tiny and hesitant.

“It’s a pretty star system. Lot of remnants.” Lance murmured and watched a nebula swirl variants shades of purple, blue and red.

Keith chewed on his bottom lip and watched him. Lance seemed so far out of reach. “Lance, are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” He didn’t look at him.

“You seem …” distant, lost … gone?

“I’m fine, Keith. A lot has happened and I’m tired.” Lance sighed and turned to head out. “Come on dinner’s waiting.”

“Lance.” Keith jumped up and took hold of Lance’s arm, jumping back when it was wrenched hard out of his light grip. “Lance?”

“What?” Lance voice was strained.

“Sorry … I’m” He swallowed. “I ….”

I miss you? Keith looked to the floor. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. He missed the bond he and Lance had made. The right side of Voltron, brother in arms, friends, rivals. He missed just being around him and listening to Lance go on and on about whatever got his interested peeked that day. He missed the steady feel of him.

“Keith …”

Keith looked up in time to sense Lance’s hand just a moment away from his scars. He looked startled, almost as if he wasn’t expecting Keith to hear him this time. He couldn’t see his hand and that brought a dull ache but he could feel him just there. Before Lance could pull away and realize what exactly he was doing Keith leaned into the palm. Ignoring the discomfort of having the bandages brush against his distorted skin. Now Lance just looked like a trapped rabbit.

“Keith … What happened that day ...I”

“What are you doing?” Pidge asked.

Jumping back from each other they both blinked down at her.

“Pidge, you scared the crap out of me. What are you doing?”

“I just asked that Lance. You both were just standing there.” They asked and glanced between them.

“Nothing. Just ...talking.” Keith glanced to Lance.

“I see.” Pidge looked at Lance and grinned when he looked away.

“Come on. Dinner’s ready and I’m hungry.” Lance huffed and refused to look at either of them.

  
Keith watched him as he hurried out of the room before looking at Pidge. “What …”

“Just happened? I think I know.” They grinned. “But come on I’m starving and I think Hunk managed to make something similar to spaghetti.”

Keith hummed and followed her out of the room.

He couldn’t help but to watch Lance’s back as they headed towards to the dinner hall. The blue paladin had changed a lot since they first started this. All of them had. This little makeshift family that had stuck together though a lot had become such an intense part of himself that them leaving or getting hurt ripped him into two. Lance was different though, something felt different, for all Keith knew it may have been him who had changed. He wondered if it was because of how ill they had been to each other in the beginning. Going at each other’s throats had turned into a past time, less bite and more out of the familiarity, the comfort.

Not that they had been that way recently. Lance had been avoiding him ever since the attack on the abandoned base like he had something contagious. Distant and cold. Most of the time it seemed to Keith that Lance went out of his way to avoid him or just all around ignored his presence like looking at him brought pain. Only remaining in the room with him when the others were around or it was half mandatory. The small moment that had just happened had him rethinking that maybe, just maybe Lance was worried about him, at least just a little bit. He felt a small tug at the corner of his mouth. It felt good. He scrunched his nose and wondered why that was exactly.

Taking a seat across from him Keith watched Lance and took in the exhaustion on him. Dark eyes, the sag in his shoulders. He wondered who exactly was having a harder time. When Lance turned and caught him looking he glanced away to focus on filling his plate.

It was awkward. There was a weird vibe in the dining room that Keith nearly thought he was imagining till he caught Allura and Shiro share a look. He was used to recognizing social cues. It had kept him out of trouble for the better part of his life …. When he actually took the time to notice them. The look was a silent conversation.

‘Should I start or you?’  
‘You have a better chance.’  
‘You do it.’

It was strange to see something on people so close to his age than on the faces of those that had raised him. Shiro sighed, he lost.

“I know that we've been sitting here for a while but I think it's time that we move on to another system. Keith you're not back to fighting completely but Coran knows of a place that may help you heal.” Shiro looked to the advisor by Allura's side.

“Well it's a small planet. Home to the Gebians. They're healers of sorts, specializing in quintessence. They're a quiet bunch. Fairly good but can be a bit of a trickster.” He pulled up a screen. “I remembered King Alfor and the Paladins used to come here to heal and relax after difficult battles.”

“It's a spa!” Lance exclaimed.

“A what?” Allura blinked at him.

“Ah man. They're amazing. Hot baths and massages. Skin treatments. Relaxing atmospheres. They're a great place to unwind and recharge.” Lance explained. “My elder sister, Lena and I used to go to them after saving up our allowance for months. Totally worth it.”

Hunk grinned from ear to ear and rode on Lance's good feeling. “I've been to one. For a cousin's wedding. They had fantastic food there as well.”

“Well it seems like these spas might be universal.” Coran hummed and stroked his mustache.

“Like malls.” Keith added and smiled, glancing up to everyone and finding their smiles mirrored.

“So when do we leave?” Lance asked.

“As soon as Matt comes back. He went with Kolivan on a sweep with the Blade to talk to some … well suspected rebel forces in the quadrant.” Shiro drummed his fingers against the table.

“It shouldn't be more than another quintant.” Allura sat back in her chair. “Though it may take up to a movement.”

Keith sighed. A week was a long time. After all the time he sat doing nothing he was a little tired of the possibility of doing more of that. He picked up his empty plate and headed into the kitchen no longer interested in the conversation.

“You finished it this time. That's a good sign.” Hunk said and walked up next to him.

“Yeah, nothing against your cooking Hunk. You know I think everything you make is the best but for a while there everything I was eating just didn't have a flavor or would taste like burnt hair I just couldn't keep it in.” Keith set the plate into the sink and watched it disappear under the cloudy water.

“I didn't know.” Hunk placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“I didn't want you to know. Coran knows only because it was part of a screening question. He said that things should adjust back to normal in a few months.” he shrugged and turned to lean back against the sink.

“Still if you do have issues with anything come tell me! I don't want to accidentally feed you something poisonous to Galras.” Hunk clasped both of his shoulders.

“I think you should ask Anthuri that. He'd know more.” he smiled.

“Yeah … No. You should ask him.” Hunk paled slightly and then grinned at him.

Keith looked at him.

“You see after the attack Haggar did a lot of the Marmora have been ….well …” He scratched the back of his neck.

“Pissed at us.” Pidge supplied and set their plate in the sink.

“What?! Why?”

“Because you’re a blade and apparently they, despite mission appearance, care a lot for their members.” Pidge continued and leaned against the sink. “They think what happened to you could have been prevented.”

“We did what we had to as Paladins. I don’t regret my decision and if any of them have a problem with it they can come talk to me.” Keith glared and took up a scrub pad to wash the plates.

Hunk and Pidge exchanged glances before grinning. “Good to know.”


	2. look in the mirror and say her name three times

“This is Geb.” Coran pointed to the small moon surrounding the main planet. “Peaceful little place. Very remote and protected. They are master’s of what we know as quintessence. Though at the time when King Alfor found them we didn’t know what to call it.”  
  
He switched to another image, this time the people showed - one resembling something like a fox and another like a bull. “Gebians and Kalturs. The Gebian are the smaller of the two and the main healers. Kalturs were from the neighboring moon.”  
  
“Which if I remember correctly that was the reason why the Paladins were brought to the planet in the first place to help the Kalturs change homes.” Allura hummed.  
  
“Right. Not to worry both of the groups have always been at peace with one another.” Coran smiled.  
  
“What about when the war broke out?” Keith asked.  
  
“To be completely honest, I’m not sure. I think they remained neutral.”  
  
“But that was centuries ago and when Altea was still a fight force. Could the Galra have taken it over by now and used them?” Hunk shifted and swiped back to the planet.  
  
“It’s possible, yes, but it’s a risk we should try to take.” Allura sat up. “But I don’t think Zarkon would have risked such a race to be taken over. They were too valuable to the Paladins.”  
  
“But Zarkon had changed right and what about the witch?” Keith spoke carefully and scrolled through the planets makeup texts.  
  
They fell silent and shifted from one thought to the other.  
  
“Come on everyone!! This is grand opportunity! Keith could be healed and back on his feet. If they have to be liberated then we can do that as well!!” Coran pushed. “There’s nothing in the universe that can stop the might of Voltron!”  

The pose brought a few laughs from the group and Keith smiled. There was one problem he had no idea how he could help if they did need to liberate Geb. Red had thrown up her barrier and was refusing to let him enter the space. Her presence was there but she for the most part had gone silent. It was an unsettling feeling, one that in the beginning had him really freaked out, thinking that she had found him unworthy to be her pilot.  
  
“Okay. We’ll see what we can do. I’ll inform Kolivan and Matt what our plans are and we’ll rendezvous at the closest intersection point.” Shiro stood and Keith guessed he missed most of that conversation. Allura following after him quickly.  
  
“What’s Geb like?” Lance asked drawing Keith’s attention and dispelling the thought of following after Shiro and Allura.

“Hmmmm, well from what I remember it was mountainous with lots of bodys of water. The main area that we visited was technologically advanced.” Coran took to standing behind Pidge and Lance.  
  
“How advanced?” Pidge bounced to the edge of their seat, spinning to look up at him.

“At the time they were close to Altea and the Olkari.”  
  
Lance laughed when Pidge squealed in delight. Somethings didn’t change. Pidge’s love for technology for one of those many things.  
  
“Shiro’s made contact with Matt. It seems as though Kolivan had to leave for the Marmora base.” Allura said taking a seat next to Keith scooching him closer to Lance.  
  
“Is everything alright?” Keith asked.  
  
“Yes. There was some kind of small dispute amongst the members. He was being called back to settle the questions. At least that’s what Matt had gathered.” Allura smiled at him.  
  
“I hope that things aren’t internally falling apart there.” Hunk sighed. “We really need their help.”  
  
“I don’t think it’s anything serious.”  She smiled and stretched out her legs. “But this does mean that we can move up our date to reach Geb.”  
  
“Then Matt made contact.” Keith looked back at her.  
  
“Yes. Things are all good on his end and they’ve agreed to work with Voltron.” She verified.  
  
“That’s good. The more the merrier.” Lance grinned and elbowed Pidge.  
  
“Dork.”  
  
Allura smiled. “We should be meeting up with Matt in 3 quintants, after he finishes up. There is a small outpost just outside of Geb’s planetary borders. At least there should be.”  
  
They looked at Coran. He shrugged.  “It should be?”

“We could do some scans just incase. I could take Green out under the cloaking and get a close look if there is a building.” Pidge poked Lance in the ribs.  
  
“And if people are there?” He grunted and poked back.  
  
“Then I’ll see if they are friendly.”  
  
“And if their not?”  
  
“I don’t know? What are my options?” She choked on a squeak as they continued to poke each other. Keith shifted away from Lance as it began to turn into one of their wars. Hunk did the same away from Pidge’s.  
  
“Preferably run away and then return with the group but we know you’re more than capable of handling yourself.” Allura laughed and stood. “I’m going to find Shiro and discuss what will happen next after Geb. If things go well we’ll have to make a few immediate stops. Goodnight, Paladins.”

The poking war paused for a moment for all of them to say their good nights before resuming again. Keith couldn’t help but to smile at the scene and dart out of reach when Hunk got pulled in when Pidge accidentally got his ribs with their elbow. Then joined with the others when Coran got swept into the fray. It was harmless silly fun that Keith figured they all had been missing with the day to day battles and negotiations. It felt good to have everyone almost seamless again. Almost. He noticed that they shied from touching him. Enveloping him in the group at an arm's length.

Keith barely notice who he rounded a corner with till they paused to catch their breath. Lance leaned around him and peeked to see the corner.  
  
“How did you get dragged into this?” Lance panted and returned to sitting next to him.  
  
Keith swallowed and blinked to refocus off of the lines of Lance’s throat still floating in his head. “I … don’t know exactly. I think when Coran joined it became this free for all.”  
  
“It looks like it the left side of Voltron vs the right and Coran as the bad guy.” Lance tugged at the collar of his shirt and grinned.  
  
“Yeah.” Keith pointedly looked around the corner.  
  
“You good?”  
  
“Huh?” He looked back to him. Lance wasn’t looking at him but at the scuff on his boot.  
  
“You okay? With all the running and stuff?”  
  
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” He tilted his head and wondered on the question as well.  
  
“Well you were … are ... “  
  
Keith watched him struggle and lean his head back against the wall and grimaced. “I can run around, Lance. I’m not that invalid.”  
  
“I didn’t say were!”  
  
“You didn’t have too!”

 They glared at each other for a moment before Keith jabed his fingers into Lance side. The half grunt mixed with a squeal was all too satisfying to hear. As was the confused garbled mess of words that Lance tried to spew out.  
  
“I’m getting better but I need you guys to stop babying me and let me try to see my limits.” Keith spoke quietly, his face tugging into a small smile. “I know it’s bad. I’m still fuzzy as to how bad I don’t remember much of anything in between the attack and waking up in the infirmary.”

 He looked back up to Lance and frowned when the man looked like he had just taste something foul.  
  
“Keith …”  
  
“Look, I’m not about to go hand to hand with a gladiator but I would like to … to …” he frowned and felt his brow pinch. What exactly did he want? Most of what he used to do was train, eat and sleep. Then Lance and him became friends and that include all of Lance’s tactile habits. Was that it?  
  
“To what?” Lance was edging back from him.  
  
“I don’t know.” He murmured and stared hard at the ground. “For things to be the way they were - ”

 “THINGS CAN NEVER BE THE WAY THEY WERE!” Lance shouted. It echoed loudly down the hall and the distant noise from the others went silent.

 Keith hesitated to look up from the floor and felt something hot rise in his chest. When he did he realized that Lance was standing, glaring down at him, horror shadowed his eyes and Keith had to get to his feet to escape the sudden feeling of being small.

 “You guys okay?” Hunk asked, hurrying around the corner, Pidge and Coran following after.

 Keith wasn’t sure, looking between Lance and them he swallowed hard. He couldn’t bring himself to speak and stepped around them. Lance’s words kept echoing loud and clear in his head. Rounding a half a dozen corners, he could just make out his bedroom door though the blurred haze. Anger, rejection, humiliation, disgust, the sharp bite of loneliness - he felt it all in a rapid fire set that just kept looping on itself in random cycles. It felt like someone had yanked a rug out from underneath him. Lance, in one quick swipe, had turned him upside down and inside out.

 He hated that.

 He hated that he needed to be coddled. He hated that he could barely move, he hated that he couldn’t see properly. That Red was refusing to let him in. The guilty and understanding look Shiro sent his way. The worry. The patience.

  **He hated it!**

 Most of all, he hated how much he had been longing for it. That he had gone most of his life without the comfort and understanding that he should have gotten. That he didn’t know any better. Keith hadn’t realized he had been throwing things till he could feel the sharp throb in his wounded shoulder and the haphazard state of his room. Blood was pounding in his head, creating an aching point in his left eye. He collapsed on his bed, face first just to feel the dull ache. Pain wasn’t anything new, he was familiar with all the physical, mental, and emotional but he had never been this helpless before and never had people to worry over him as he went through it.

 ‘ _Things can’t be the way they were!’_

 He didn’t understand. He was still himself. Wasn’t he?

 

It was hours before he decided to move again. His body ached like a dull tooth and he struggled to get out of the bed. Shuffling into the bathroom, he glanced at the mirror. The same one he had been refusing to look in for long that necessary. His hair was tangled and a lot longer than he remembered, knotted and matted on one side from the balm that had been put around his eye and where the bandages slipped.  

 He worked at them, unwinding the thin lengths till his arm was tired and they pooled around his throat. The scarring was a mess. Long raised lines, missing burned flesh that looked blistered and angry around the edges. The haunting milky blue shade of his iris made him want to throw up. He had never been a vain person, living out in the desert most of his life there just wasn’t a point into trying to impress anyone but this was made something in him squirm like a nest of snakes.

 Working off his shirt and the rest of the wrapping, he felt the snake pit tighten in his stomach as the scarring continued down his chest, shoulder and arm. Under the disgust, he also felt anger. White hot and blazing towards Haggar. He was finally seeing just how much damage the witch had done to him. Not just him physically but to the team. They were unraveling because of this and it was his fault. At least most of it. No wonder Lance had said that things couldn’t go back to the way they were.

 He felt tears welding up and shook his head. No, he couldn't break down. Keith reused to let everything get to him now. It hadn’t before and it wasn’t going to now. Stripping down he decided that he needed a hot shower and to get out. Go do something more than lay on his face. The shower was a blessing and a bad idea. His scars were screaming and much rawer than they were before the rest of him felt relaxed and clean. If he cried a bit from the pain he was happy for the thick walls to muffle his cussing. He dressed carefully, looked around the mess of his room and headed out to go back to the hospital ward for bandages and ointment before dealing with mess. With the castle in night lighting he had to suddenly deal with the weird sensation of his good eye adjusting to see in the dark. Just another change he had to document and tally to his list of things he wanted to punch Haggar in the face for. There was a lot on that growing list.

 Keith was grateful that no one was up, then again it was in the middle of the night and the others tried not to be as much of a nocturnal weirdo like he was, roaming the castle halls like a zombie. Wrapping his shoulder was an interesting feat while being one handed and no help; his eye was a bit easier as long as he stared in the mirror. Finished he took a deep breath and braced his hands against the counter edge and tried to force the throbbing down.

 Looking up, he choked on a scream and staggered back into the table, causing tools and equipment to crash to the floor as Haggar laughed and grinned at him. Wary and feeling entirely too much like a spooked cat he picked up over the edge of the counter and into the mirror.

 “Fuck.” He took a deeper breath and settled back onto the floor when all he saw was his own reflection.

 The last thing Keith needed was to start hallucinating.

 “ _What if it isn’t, boy_?” Haggar’s voice hissed too close to his ear and he swung out blind slamming his elbow into the cabinet in the process.

 Whimpering as pain pulsed in a new point, he leapt to his feet and looked to where the voice had been. Nothing. Panic was fluttering around in his stomach. The blood curdling scream that came next had Keith running from the room in terror. There was something familiar about it, something that had vague memories just barely brushing the surface. Panting, he glanced behind him and watched the already dim lights flicker then plunge into darkness.

 He could hear the team shouting, the frantic sounds of rushed activity, and screaming some god awful screaming as if their body was being ripped apart. Covering his ears, Keith desperately tried to block out the sounds.

 “Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!”

 There were new sounds, roaring cheers from a crowd, the sounds of a fight. Smells of soft perfume and that gave way to the tang of blood and ash. The horrible, oppressive feeling of suffocating and freezing. Consuming heat and the pulse of power. Then screams, long continuous screams that rose and fell with waves of mechanical sounds. Galran words mixed with the begging of something else.

 “ **SHUT UP!! STOP!!** ”

 Silence.

 Keith lowered his hands and opened his eyes weakly. He could feel liquid hot and sticky covering his hands and he was terrified to actually focus on it. Lowering he could just make out he deep crimson and the sharp metallic odor of blood. Recoiling, he nearly screamed and tried to wipe off his hands. He watched as it continued to cover his hands, running up his arms and dripping off his fingers to pool at his feet.

 “ _It won’t come out, boy. This is your present and future._ ” Haggar placed cold hands around his throat and paralyzed him. “ _Take a good look_.”

 She forced him to move, to look up, to follow the long rivers of blood and see the crumpled bloody forms of his team, his family lay broken and bloody on the ground. “ _You’ll cause this. You’ll take the new claws I’ll give you and tear your team to pieces. You’ll be the monster that will destroy them.”_

 “NO!” He screamed and swung a fist around as he felt her hands tighten around his throat.

 Keith felt his fist connect with something and the unpleasant give of bone made him realize that whatever it was happened to be real. Heaving out breathes, he blink past his spilling tears he could make out Shiro in front of him. Allura, Pidge and Hunk hovered just behind him, Coran just behind them. He could still feel hands on his shoulders and the tears just wouldn’t stop.

 Keith knew the feel and shape of them. The familiar weight and he choked on a sob and fought hard not to turn into Lance’s chest and just expel all the sour fear out of his system.

 “Keith. It was just Haggar playing a game with you, again. You’re fine and safe.” Lance murmured, his hands flexing.

 Keith looked up to him and zeroed in on the line of blood dripping down from his nose. “Lance! Your … I’m sorry. I didn’t - !”

 “Stop! You weren’t aware we were here.” Lance snapped and his gripped tighten briefly.

 “Besides, this isn’t the first you’ve gone away mentally.” Hunk said softly and walked up to them, placing a hand on Lance’s shoulder.

 Keith’s breath hitched high in his throat and he felt a growl start to form. “And what!? You guys weren’t going to tell me!!”

 “Keith.” Shiro stepped forward and reached for him. Keith jerked back.

 “NO!” He shied away. “Enough!! I can’t take this anymore!! My memory is shit, I keeping seeing Haggar in my dreams and now wide awake. I’m terrified that I’m losing my mind. The worst of it you ALL are suffering because of it!” His hands tore into his hair and the worst of it, the tears had started up again.

 “Keith, we’re not suffering.” Allura crossed to him and took his face into her hands, tilting it upward to have him look at her. “We’re all just extremely worried about you and thought that it would have been best to keep what you couldn’t remember from you. We all were worried that if you knew it would do more harm than good.”

“PTSD is a bitch, Keith.” Shiro smiled in a painful, all too understanding.

 Keith looked at him and lowered Allura’s hands. “I still should know.”

 “You should.” Coran spoke clear behind everyone and pointedly ignored the nervous looks sent his way. “But not right here and in the dark.”

 Keith sagged for a moment and looked up at the advisor when he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Okay.”


	3. Truths not Known

They decided that it would be best for this conversation to be held in the lounge, with mounds of blankets and pillows all piled in the center. Lights on but adjusted to low kept the shadows from creeping around the room. The whole thing seemed a little odd to Keith but he kept quiet just in case. He didn’t want to voice anything about this that would have them all changing their minds. The crying had also stopped and left him feeling kind of exhausted. He remained hovering around Hunk as he tended to Lance’s nose. Which happened to be a rebreak. Apparently he had broken it rough housing with his younger brother and cousins years and years ago. It healed straight the first time and Keith hoped that it would do the same, or he was going to shove Lance into a pod despite all of the protesting that may occur.

“What happened?” He asked suddenly in the middle of Shiro kicking a pillow underneath a blanket in a crude attempt to fluff them both while his hands were full with another set.

Why did he get the feeling that this may have been a normal thing?

The group paused to look at each other and then went back to what they were doing. Coran crossed to him and coaxed him away from Hunk and Lance to sit in a comfy spot just about center of everything. “Keith. What do you remember to begin with?”

“I remember the attack. We had gone to check on a distress signal on an old galra slave ship on planet. It was a trap. Haggar had ambushed us when we had gotten out of our lions and deep within the ship. We had gotten drawn out of the ship, the fighting was heavy and all around us. I remember we tried to stay together but the fight drew us farther and farther apart.”

He could still hear it and shuddered. A hand brushed against his good arm and he looked down at Pidge.

“I ran to Hunk and Lance after seeing Haggar. The witch was going to attack them and I … I don’t know. I just couldn’t let them die. I didn’t know what to do other than get in the way of the shot. The shield held up against the first shot. She vanished and then reappeared, closer this time and the shield shattered against the second. After that I don’t really know.” Keith stared hard at the blankets, trying to filter through the flashing pieces. “The rest of it is just in pieces.” And a lot of pain.

“Well, that is accurate.” Allura slipped in on his other side and tucked underneath a blanket. Shiro came in and settled by her side.

“You see after that second shot you remained standing even after the shield had fallen. It was the third attack was when she hit your eye.” She continued and held his gaze.

“The lions, Red mostly, became furious and even though they were already moving to get to all of you, pushed harder than ever and quickly came to your aid. It was the only thing that pushed the Galra off of all of you. We, Coran and I were trying our best from the Castleship but the forces Haggar threw at us in space were massive and proving difficult to get through.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Princess.” Shiro said softly. “We knew that you guys we’re coming and doing what you could.”

Allura took a deep breath. “It was Haggar’s fault. This war’s fault. The same with your wounds, Keith. You did everything right. As a paladin, your bonds with your team tend to only grow deeper and deeper. The fact that you would give so little thought about yourself to save your fellow paladins is a sign of how much they mean to you. A sign of a true Red paladin. Loyalty and compassion seem to be their main traits.” She smiled and thought back to her father. “This is also quiet true for everyone else but with in the red paladin, it seems as though this is stronger as well as the desire to prove themselves and protect.”

“Getting you on to the ship was the difficult part.” Pidge decided to take over. “You were in and out of shock. Dropping between thinking that you were fine and then blacking out completely. Which was better than when you were starting to become aware of it.”

“As the shock and the adrenaline subsided, Haggar’s magic started to take hold. We thought it was going to be a lot like the wound I had suffered with when we had gotten separated the first time.” Shiro shifted to make room for Hunk as he dropped down beside him. “But it was almost completely different. It seemed to be attacking you slowly in waves instead of just once.”

“We couldn’t use the lions. You couldn’t fly and we refused to leave your side. So we waited for Allura and Coran to make a stable landing.” Lance said and looked down at him instead of joining them right away. “At first, it was simple to keep you calm; talking kept you aware of us but soon we had to hold you down and then you dropped. Then pain seemed to be the only thing you were feeling and were conscious of. You were screaming and getting louder and louder. Thrashing hard enough to throw Hunk and me off. Then you stopped. You had gone still and for a moment, we thought that you had fallen unconscious but you died. Right there.”

Keith felt a chill slide down his spine like ice. He kept his eyes on Lance as the blue paladin held his gaze.  “Bring you back the first time was terrifying. Most of us panicked. Shiro had enough common sense still left in him to start CPR. That was the first time. The minute you were conscious the pain started up again, like something alive was literally doing everything it could to kill you. Allura and Coran got the ship to us and we ran. As fast as we fucking could to get you inside while you screamed and began to fight against us. It was like you couldn’t recognize us. Just begging for the pain to stop and before we could get you into the pod your heart stopped again.”

Keith broke his gaze and stared wide eyed and blank at Lance’s feet. He could just make out the phantom images as they slow came to the front of his mind with Lance’s words. The bright lights of the castle, the shaky feeling of too many hands and the claustrophobic feeling of being trapped and nothing stopping. It just kept spinning faster and faster in tighter circles till he couldn’t tell what was where anymore. There had been too many voices, smells and sometimes nothing at all.

“We brought you back and got you in the pod as fast as possible. It stabilized you.” Lance all but collapsed in front of him and shifted closer to them. As if telling the story caused him as much pain as it did Keith. “Shit was scary.”

Keith couldn’t stop himself moving even if he wanted to. Gently, he wrapped his good arm around Lance’s shoulders and buried his face against his shirt. Lance went stiff in his hold but closed his hand around Keith’s wrist.

“While you were in the pod we had to make a break for it. With all of the Galra still lingering in the area, we fought and bunny hopped our way out of the system.” Hunk picked up. “Had some hard battles without you being there but we kept things simple and refused to take any missions. At least for awhile.”

“We are Voltron.” Keith murmured. “I wouldn’t have expected any different.”

“Shiro said that you would say that.” Lance huffed, gradually relaxing in the one arm embrace.

“We mostly just ran. “ Allura stretched out, smiling softly at the scene, as Pidge and Hunk both moved to their friends and hugged them too. “Not to worry, Keith you didn’t miss much more than that. The Blade was constantly in and out wanting to help.”

“And to check on you.” Shiro sighed. “Kolivan ended up staying on the castle ship till you woke.”

Keith looked up from the group hug. “That’s surprising.”

Coran chuckled. “He the silent type to show his concern.”

“For good reason. When you woke there were still some scary moments. You wouldn’t be here mentally. Wake screaming, sometimes you wouldn’t wake at all. Sometimes you would drop back into being in pain and just normal. Like creepy level of normal.” Pidge leaned against his back.

“Did the pod malfunction?” He asked. 

“I think it actually has to do with Haggar’s spell. We can’t say for sure but depending on whatever that it was, the spell was fusing to your cells and it was making it hard for the pod to accurately separate what was yours and an invaders.” Coran pulled on the end of his mustache. “I think that the invading spell may have been too similar to the Galra side of your genetic code.”

Keith felt his head spin. “You mean to say the pod almost didn’t heal me because it thought that there was nothing to heal?”

“I think that it made it difficult and because of that difficulty, it had to resuscitate you at least once in the very beginning of the session.”

He felt his head spin again. He died three times. God, he felt like an ass for giving them such a hard time. For even thinking that they would treat him the same after everything they had gone through. He remember that there were logs. Documents they had to keep up to follow with his health. He couldn’t have imagined what it took out of them to sit there and write all of it down not knowing if he was going to make it. Nearly didn’t three times. Choked up, he couldn’t find the words to express what he was feeling, what they meant to him. Tightening his hold on Lance, he turned his head to rest against Hunk’s shoulder. He faintly heard Pidge coo and her arms went around his waist. He wasn’t sure who started crying first but he could tell everyone was. In a big massive hug, he had never felt safer and cared for.

The system, he found while he was tucked in between Shiro and Pidge, that they had left wasn’t horrible just tedious with how many battles they had to run from. There was a strong Galra hold but it was fairly balanced out with the rebel groups. So at least he couldn’t feel too guilty about them having to be forced out of the area. The system they were in now was deep in neutral territory, either found unuseful to the empire or just passed by all together. Geb’s possible ability to stay free made a lot of sense now. Keith stretched out his leg and hooked his foot around someone’s near to his.

“You think that Geb can help me?” He looked up to Coran who found his spot on the couch behind everyone’s heads.

“They might. We’re hoping. I think the team is missing their Red paladin.” He smiled down at the group.

Keith warmed and pushed his face into Pidge’s hair, who protested slightly, half asleep from the much calmer talk. Hunk laughed from his comfy spot behind Lance. Keith glanced up to Lance catching his gaze. The bridge of his nose was bruised and he looked tired. There was something still vacant and lost in his eyes as he held his gaze before closing his eyes altogether and tucking into a pillow.

 

He wasn’t entirely sure when he had managed to fall asleep but the nightmares came swift but odd. There was a different feeling than before. He felt less desperate and absorbed in it as he stopped fighting for a moment and glanced around him. He could see Haggar in distance and focused on her.

“This is just a nightmare. A memory. I can’t … I won’t let it eat me again.” He clamped his eyes shut and tried to drown out his own pitiful screams.

Pain bloomed in his chest and he looked down to see Haggar reaching a hand into his chest. “ _No one ever said this wasn’t real._ ”

Keith gasped, feeling too much of the phantom pain to scream and went to sit up. Someone’s arm was wrapped around his waist and another had legs tangled with his. Still shaky from the nightmare, he struggled to escape the person’s hold.

“Shhhhh. You’re alright. You’re safe.” Lance’s voice came out steady and alert. “Look around and see where you are. Who’s with you.”

Keith looked up at him. He could see Lance in the dim blue glow from the castle’s lights, the top of Pidge's head tucked under his chin, Hunk’s back just over Lance’s side. The weight of the arm around his waist was familiar, the warmth of it too. He could feel his breath hiccup and Shiro murmured something faint in his sleep as he tightened his hold on him.

“No Haggar here. She can’t touch you.” Lance continued to whisper and reached out to hold Keith’s cheek. “I- we won’t let her.”

Keith sighed and relaxed boneless into his touch.

“I ….” Lance had paused, only continuing when Keith looked up at him and then looked away himself. “I’m sorry for the way we … the I way I treated you. I shouldn’t have … I - ” 

Keith watched an arrange of emotions battle their way across Lance’s face. So much of them all at once and all of them open. Anguish, regret, longing. He had missed that. It was too strange to see hardly anything on Lance’s face. “Thank you.”  Lance’s head popped up fast and he had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing at the pure horror and relief on it.

Oh Lance, did he really think that Keith wouldn’t have forgiven him? Wouldn’t have understood why? He reached out and place his hand on the side of Lance’s neck and ran his thumb over his jaw.

“What for?” Lance’s breath tickled his wrist.

Keith wasn’t entirely sure. For being his friend was one, would always be one. He also thought it may have to do with Lance taking ownership of his own shortcomings but even that didn’t bother him. He knew he was difficult to be around. Maybe it was because in the time after he had really and truly missed Lance. Who the paladin was and how he actually missed that. Having someone to miss despite being around was a new concept for him. He blushed a bit and hummed, unaware of his thumb still rubbing at the stubble forming on Lance’s jaw. That was a distraction he didn’t realize he enjoyed.

“I don’t know. Caring enough to apologize? Being you, I think.” He mumbled and peeked up to catch Lance’s gawb struck expression. He couldn’t hold back and sniggered as Lance just buried his face into the pillow below.

Keith nestled back down, feeling warm and light.

“Keith?”

“Hm?” He was just about asleep when Lance’s voice stirred him again.

“We good?” The voice was small. Smaller than Keith was used to hearing on the blue paladin. He realized that the hopeful teen that shot them through a wormhole was still in there. He smiled and reached to pet the back of Lance’s head.

“Yeah, I think we’re better. You?”

“Getting there.” Was Lance’s response and Keith could hear the smile.

 

Waking up was a harder task than usual for everyone. He didn’t think anyone expected to even consider sleeping in their makeshift nest that night or wake up way, way later than they would or should have. At least Coran was smart enough to actually sleep on the couch. Keith stared sleepily at the far wall, the blanket slowly sipping from his fingers when he was supposed to be folding it.

“You good?” Hunk asked and picked up the end of his blanket.

“Yeah, just sluggish this morning. I don’t think sleeping on the floor was the best decision.” Keith shrugged and moved with him to fold up the blanket.

“We also fell asleep in our clothes too.” Hunk laughed and took the remainder of the cloth. “Wanna help me fix up a quick lunch?”

Keith blinked at him, before really taking in what he had said. “Yeah sure.”

He may have sounded a bit too eager just then judging by the way Hunk laughed.

That eagerness vanished as he cut up something that vaguely reminded him of an onion. Hunk laughing at him wasn’t helping either as he scrunched up his nose and squinted against the sting.

“You forgave Lance.”

Keith paused.

“I woke up and heard you guys talking. Lance apologized and you forgave him.”

“I did. Though I’m not entirely sure what for. He didn’t do anything wrong.” Keith fought through the stinging and began to cut again.

“You also thanked him.”

“Yeah.” Keith tried very hard not to blush.

“Why?” Hunk asked and pulled out something that was as close to beef as they got.

“I don’t know.” Keith shrugged and set aside the ‘onion’ to cut up a purple and green ring root. “I guess I felt like him apologizing was him remembering who he was or something.”

Hunk tilted his head. “Didn’t think you noticed him being that off.”

“It was kind of directed. It was a little hard not to notice.” Keith gave the root a sour look.

“And you’re not mad at him?”

“No. I was hurt. It sucked to suddenly have that close companionship denied to you. If he was blaming me then I get it. I …” Keith jumped when Hunk’s hand came down on his.

“Keith. I don’t think he was blaming you.” He said softly and leaned against the counter. “I know Lance better than most - not perfectly because there are somethings that he does that I still don’t understand. We’ve been through a lot together, even before the Voltron group.”

“You met at the Garrison, right?”

“Yeah. Roommates.” Hunk smiled at him. “I think Lance blames himself for a lot more than he should.”

Keith gawked. “You think Lance blames himself for what happened to me?”

“Well yeah.”

There was an odd tone to his voice. Keith set down the knife and took a long look into Hunk’s face. It dawned on him. “You blame yourself too.”

Hunk looked at the floor. “We - ”

Keith slapped a hand over his mouth and glared. “Not another word. I get it but don’t you say that it was your fault. It wasn’t. I made my choice a long time ago. Does everyone else feels like this?”

Hunk nodded and lowered Keith’s hand from his mouth. “We all want to protect each other. We’re gonna feel this way.”

He knew that, better than most. That guilty feeling at wondering if there was something more that he could have done. “I …. thank you Hunk but please, don’t hang on to that feeling. You guys honestly did all that you could. More than was expected. You guys saved my life.”

After he almost carelessly thrown it away.

Hunk smiled at him and nodded before going back to the meat. “Come on, let finish this.”

“What exactly is this?”

“Stew, curry or some form of it.” Hunk moved on with the topic easily and all too enthusiastic.

It wasn’t long after that lunch was served and they all settled in, more than happy with the food as Pidge stole from Lance’s plate. Keith felt proud of himself that he didn’t cut himself with the knife and managed to help out with just his right side vision. Absently, he rubbed at the bandages while they ate.

“Is it hurting?” Allura asked.

When he looked up, he notice everyone was staring at him. “Oh, actually no. I think it's just become a habit to touch them when I think about them.”

Now that he thought about it, they haven’t caused him any type of discomfort since last night. That was alarming and hopeful.

“We should take another look at them after we finish here.” Coran offered and reached to fill his bowl again with more of the black rice.

 

All good. That was a strange thing to hear after the weeks he spent in pain. He sat on the bridge, alone again watching them float around the same nebula. His face free from from bandages for once. Coran had said that he should consider letting the flesh breathe for a bit. Something about the oxygen doing it some good. Keith wasn’t too sure about it. His arm still needed to be cradled in a sling but no longer bound and he could at least use it more. He thought back to the nightmares. Standing up against Haggar, he lost in the end but maybe that was the trigger. He kept fighting what had happened to him internally. Refusing to accept or look at what happened to him. That was confusing.

He thought he was fine with it. He knew he would do it over again if he had too. Keith laid down on his back and concentrate on the ceiling. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he was different now. He draped his good arm over his eyes and sighed.

“Why is that I keep finding you here?” Lance said from above him and Keith froze.

“Because this is an open area.” He didn’t want to move his arm.

“Touché.” Lance was pouting, he could hear that so clearly in his voice. 

“Coran said that things are good.” He blurted out.

“You’re still slung though.” Lance was shifting above him, moving to his side and sitting.

Keith hadn’t felt this nervous since the trials he did with the Marmora. “Yeah, I still don’t have full range yet but I’m free to start working on moving it a bit more. Loosen up some of the scar tissue.”

Lance hummed. Lifting his arm, Keith peeked out at him. His hair had grown longer, it hung down in his eyes and curled at the ends. It was damp and so he must have taken a shower before. He sure as hell wasn’t scrawny anymore either. Lithe and strong. Still had that tapered waist though and was mostly those long legs he liked.

Whoa. WHOA. Keith sat up quickly, startling Lance beside him. That was something different. Not new. Keith was very well aware he was gay and had certain physical traits that drew his eye but on a teammate? On Lance?

“You okay?”

“Yep!” He shouted and stare pointedly at the nebula.

“Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“Did Coran say what you could do?” Lance hesitated like he wanted to say something else but took a different route.

“Oh, he said to start small. Doing stretches and just completing ranges for now. After Geb he said that we can see what I might be able to do.” Keith relaxed. Coran was a safe topic. 

“Allura said that she hadn’t been to Geb but from what she remembers her father saying and from the castles journals, they should have you able to do what you could before.” Lance stretched out.

“That’s good to hear. I wonder if they can fix my sight as well.” Keith murmured absently and regretted it when Lance tensed up beside him.

“Don’t know.” The reply was clipped, pained.

Keith looked at him and froze when he saw Lance staring back, focused on the scaring now. He looked away quickly and didn’t shift to move the hair that fell over it. “Coran said that the air would help.”

What he didn’t say is how disgusting Keith would feel having everyone able to see it. He shifted and stood as smoothly as he could. Lance remained silent and sat stiff on the step.

“Keith, if you want help with the stretches. I wouldn’t mind to lend you a hand. Yoga actually has some really good easy layouts that might help.” Lance spoke quietly.

Keith blinked down at him and swallowed. “Thanks. You … I didn’t know that you do yoga.”

“I used to do it a lot before … well before we got launched into space.” He shifted.

“You mean before you shot us through a wormhole.” Keith countered and covered his grin when Lance whipped his head around to glare at him.

“I …well.” Lance started then stood. “If I didn’t then we wouldn’t have formed Voltron.”

“You’re right about that.” Keith smiled and turned his attention to the window.

“Yeah, I …. what?” Lance faltered and looked at him, a little stunned and flushed.

Keith laughed. “What’s that look for?” 

“I just … not quite used to you actually admitting when I’m right about something.” Lance murmured and watched the nebula flash.

 


	4. Heart to Heart and Mother to be or not

In the following quintants, they continued to float between the nebulas and did nothing. It was also the first time in a while Keith actually managed to sleep without the onslaught of nightmares tearing him and everyone else out of much needed rest. Wonderful as that felt, it left Keith glancing over his shoulder, behind corners, in rooms … nearly anywhere and everywhere he expected the witch to pop out of and scare the life out of him.

 It was good - though he couldn’t say much more than that.

 He sat in the training room, watching Hunk spar with Shiro and ached to join in. They slung his arm again but he was able, or rather allowed, breathing moments to stretch out the limp muscle. Leaning back against the wall, he chuckled when Shiro yelped as Hunk flipped him easily over his head. A move he must have learnt from Allura judging by Shiro’s stunned expression.

 “He’s gotten good with that.” Allura hummed beside Keith. “I wasn’t sure how he was going to handle Altean Biu.”

 “Biu?” He sat up interested now.

 “A martial art. It’s mostly a defensive style. Taking the opponent's strength and turning it against them.”

 “It suits him.”

 She smiled. “I thought so too. His strength is impressive and can easily over turn another's.”

 “I don’t think Shiro is happy about it.” Keith snorted and watched his friend hit the mat another time.

 Allura chuckled and covered her mouth quickly when Shiro looked at her eyes hot on him. Keith busted out laughing.

 “Let’s take a break.” Shiro grumbled and rubbed at his sore hip.

 “Nice job Hunk. I’ve only seen Allura put Shiro on his ass.” Keith called out and laughed harder when Shiro flushed.

 Hunk grinned and patted Shiro on his shoulder.

 “Please tell me we have that on recording?” Pidge exclaimed running across the training room from where she and Lance were going over grapples.

 “Of course.” Coran announced over the intercom from the training room controls.

 “Matt is so gonna wanna to see that!!” Pidge laughed.

 Shiro grumbled slightly but clapped Hunk on the shoulder. “Good job.”

 “Thanks, Allura’s been showing me some Altean martial arts.” He grinned and watched Shiro instantly look to her.

 “Oh has she?” Shiro looks at her slightly miffed.

 “Is that a problem?” Allura smiled at him, eyes sharp.

 “Not at all princess.” Shiro snipped.

 “Were you wanting me to teach you as well?” She purred, biting back her laugh. “You wouldn’t be suited for Biu but I think I know of one a little more direct that would suit you much better.”

 Keith laughed softly under his breath when Shiro flushed and tried to retort.

 “God, they’ve got it bad.” Lance whispered by his side.

 “So bad. Come on, let’s leave Shiro to his lesson.” Keith answered and rose carefully to stand.

 

“Who do you think will crack first?” Shiro or Allura?” Pidge laughed and swiped a few GAC coins over to Hunk’s screen.

 Hunk gladly accepted her loss in what they could kind of understand to be the Altean version of Gin Rummy. “I think Shiro.”

 “I’m gonna bet on Allura. You saw the way she was looking at him.” Pidge bet back and drew another card.

 “Longing and acting are two very different things, Pidge.” Lance called out from the floor of the bridge.

 Keith looked away from the window. He had begun to come here as a way to look out at the universe but the large area had started to become a hang out spot in their small vacation. He looked at Lance, stretched out like an overgrown house cat, tossing a small ball. Literally it was the most normal mundane earth thing to see and it was comforting. They were light years away from home, gone through so many battles, met thousands of different races of aliens and things could still be normal.

 “Keith?”

 He blinked and saw Lance sitting up and staring at him hard now. “What?”

 “Checking to see if you were still there. You’ve been smiling at me for the past five doboshes.”

 Keith flushed and turned to look out at the nebulas. “Just got lost in thought.”

 “What were you thinking about?” Hunk asked.

 “Earth.” It was probably not the best thing to admit. Not when they haven’t been able to go home but it was the truth. “How we haven’t really changed. We have but who we really are have stayed the same.”

 He looked at them to see their stunned expression. “Okay, what did I say this time?”

 Pidge laughed. “Nothing. Just you can get surprisingly deep at times.”

 “That a bad thing?” He bristled.

 “No! Not at all.” Hunk hurried on and jumped up. “It kind of goes to show how little we kind of know about each other. I mean, we never really got a chance to talk. We know somethings but not everything.”

 “Never really had a chance to talk.” Lance spoke softly.

 “Well, we do now! Come on.” Hunk got up and sat next to Lance. “We know a lot about each other. Roomies at the Garrison broke that ice a long time ago.”

 “And Pidge joining our little trio.” Lance looked back at her.

 She laughed, a small huff through her nose and abandon her losing game. “The trouble Lance nearly got us in almost got us latrine duty more than a few times.”

 “I wasn’t that bad and you short stuff got us into way more trouble than I did.”

 “What I’m gathering is that Hunk got dragging along into both of your craziness?” Keith smirked and put his back to the window.

 The protest from Lance and Pidge got him to laugh.

 “What about you Keith? You were a year ahead of us right? Did you get into trouble?” Hunk asked still in his place in between Lance and Pidge.

 “Some, not a lot though. I tried to keep my head down and do the best I could. I was running on a full scholarship and couldn’t afford to lose it.” He shrugged. “I did … well, towards the end of my time there I did tell Iverson to go fuck himself.”

 “That was when the Keroberos mission happened.”

 “Yeah.”

 “Okay, I gotta ask! Where are you from?” Pidge crossed her legs and leaned against them. “I really don’t want to believe that shamble version of a shack was your home.”

 “I’ll go after you guys say where you’re from.” He got up from the window and eased down next to Lance to watch the passing scenes.

 “Fair enough. My family is from Italy but moved to the states after my dad started working with the Galaxy Garrison. We used to have a huge family reunion in Venice around Christmas time.” Pidge sighed. “It was this huge elaborate affair. Fancy clothes and food and really long Christmas services. I think that was about the only time my family ever went to church actually.”

 “Italy. I honestly thought that the Holts were German.” Keith looked at her and tried and failed to imagine her in a frilly dress.

 “I think the lineage was at one point in time but most of us are Italian.” She brought her knees up.

 “My moms are Samoan. We are from a small island in the South Pacific. It was simple but didn’t have much to offer. So we moved. Bounced around some before actually settling in the states as well. One of my mom’s is a chef, owner of a restaurant and the other teaches surfing, swimming and diving.” Hunk continued. “I’ve got two little sisters too. God I miss them.”

 There was a small stretch of silence as Hunk and Pidge glanced to Lance then Keith.

 “What about you, Lance?” Keith asked quietly.

 Lance sighed, heavy and long. “My familia is huge. Lots of cousins, aunts and uncles. We’re all from Cuba, born and raised. My mom worked as a tour guide for people wanting to take boat excursions, her brother ran the boat. They all did a bit of everything. Fishing, island tours, diving you name it. Dad … dad kind of left. It was a bad divorce and left our very religious Catholic family a little torn for a while but if one thing over ruled anything, family sticks together. I have an older brother Marco, a younger one Luis and an older sister Veronica.” He sat back on his hands and pressed his chin to his chest. “I just remembered something. I had this old silver cross mom gave me when I went to the Garrison. A good luck charm she said. I actually left it on my nightstand the night we saved Shiro. It such an odd thing to suddenly be missing.”

 “Not really.” Keith murmured. “Your mom gave it to you. You love your mother so it means a lot to you. It’s right to miss it.” He turned his head and caught them all staring again. Snorting, he stared hard out the window. “I don’t remember much till I was around six. Just hazy memories of a woman humming and the sound of cicadas. Dad and I bounced around a lot. I know now it was because Dad couldn’t actually give my medical records or mother’s name since technically they don’t exist. We went all over the western United States, sticking mostly to the south west. I think Dad wanted it to be easy for Mom to find us if she ever came back. He did odd jobs, doing what he could to keep us fed and clothes on our backs. It wasn’t comfortable but Dad made it happy. Taught me the guitar and all kinds of things about the land, survival and how to know where you are. It was good.”

 “Keith?” Lance sat up and glanced at the clenched hand beside him.

 “Dad was sick. He didn’t say anything about it. Just worked and took care of me. I was eight when I … when he passed.” He could still remember and thanks to Haggar, it was crystal clear after all the time that had passed. “I got thrown into the system, briefly till Rosa took me in. She had this ranch that I guess my Dad worked at but she caught wind of what happened to me and snatched me out of the system, refusing to let the caretakers get a hold of me. I think she knew what happened with my dad and mom or who she was.” He looked at them, not really seeing but wanting to focus on they anyway. “That shack was my Dad’s. The last place we lived at together and the place I went to before joining the Garrison.”

 There was a long heavy silence that followed and Keith felt a mix of emotions. Relief and nervousness being the top two. He felt the air escape him when strong arms hugged him tight.

 “Hunk?”

 “You looked like you needed a hug.” Hunk sniffed and pressed his cheek to the top of Keith’s head.

 “It happened a long time ago, buddy.” Keith felt his throat tighten.

 Pidge came around and rested her cheek on his knee. Keith felt his throat tighten just a bit more. It wasn’t until he felt Lance lean against him that he had to swallow hard and close his eyes. “Guys, seriously … it - ”

 “Happened. That’s all that matters.” Lance said. “So take the comfort, mullet.”

 Mullet. God, how long had it been since he heard that? Keith felt stupid and silly for being happy to hear it and sniffed against the tears. “'Tis not a mullet.”

 Pidge and Hunk chuckled.

 “Well, that may be true now but it is all in your eyes like some emo kid.” Lance huffed and bite his cheek from smiling.

 Keith blew at his bangs. “So is yours.”

 “I think we are all in need of a haircut.” Hunk laughed and shifted to Keith’s side.

 “Yeah. You know who needs it the most?” Pidge asked shifting so she could look at all of them.

 “Shiro.” Came the unanimous reply before they started to laugh.

 

The questions about home came a little easier. Family gave way to stories, to likes, favorites and things they dislike. Keith found that Pidge has a fear of snakes after getting bitten by a friends pet, Lance broken his arm, nose and three fingers and Hunk still didn’t know how to roller skate. He revealed that he hated cooked carrots and knows how to ride horses. The merciless teasing about being a cowboy revealed that Lance spent every summer at his grandparents dairy farm in inland Cuba. Which revealed that Keith may be lactose intolerant but was unsure since he had never been to a doctor in his life.

 It wasn’t until a soft flash of orange light caught all of their attention and Allura, Shiro and Coran ran onto the bridge stopped the ‘get-to-know-you’ party.

 “What was that?” Hunk asked and stood.

 “It appears to be Nebula storm.” Coran smiled.

 “A storm?” Lance asked rising with everyone.

 “Yes, it happens when the gaseous remnants from one nebula start to mix and react to another close by. Do they not happen in your galaxy?”

 Everyone from Earth shook their heads.

 “Or at least we haven’t had the chance to recorded it yet. This is safe to be in?” Pidge asked walking closer to the window to get a better look.

 “Quite safe in fact but we can raise up the castle’s shields just incase.” Coran said and crossed over to the control panel.

 “Do you hear that?” Keith asked, ears perking to the soft rumbling sound.

 “It sounds like thunder.” Lance smiled.

 They fell quiet, listening to the soft rumbles as the nebulas blurred and mixed, flashing warm light on to them.

 “It’ll be lasting for a few vargas and we should be passing through the middle of it.” Coran explained. “We also wanted you to know that Kolivan contacted us. The issue at the Marmora base has been settled but he has to remain there for the foreseeable future. Apparently Krolia found and succeeded in solidifying a good lead against another weapon Haggar was creating.”

 Keith froze as his mother’s name dropped. He felt Lance beside him stiffen. Lots of thoughts passed through his mind, distant uncertainties that he thought he had gotten rid of after their heart to heart on the Marmora base. She must know that he had woken, that he had gotten injuries so why … “Coran, did Kolivan say anything else? Anything my mother may have directed?”

 “Actually he didn’t but Kolivan has always been short and to the point.” Coran spoke carefully.

 Keith bit into his lip and could agree with that but his mother wasn’t. Or at least he thought she wasn’t. From their talks she could be blunt but didn’t mind speaking or adding more when she sensed it was needed. He felt someone grab his hand and he glance to Lance.

 "She knows about Keith. We told Kolivan to inform her about what happen.”

 Keith could already sense the ‘but’ and shook his head. So she hadn’t come to check on him. Odd but she was a spy and when he left to return to Voltron, she was getting ready to fall into a deep undercover mission. “She’s in deep undercover. She wouldn’t be able to just leave.”

 “You don’t think she wouldn’t race across the universe to get to you?” Lance fumed.

 He remained silent because in all honesty he didn’t know. He got to spend a year with her. Fighting and training with her and he thought that she would have. God knows he watched her nearly rip another blade in two with her words after the guy insulted him. (That was beyond the most embarrassing thing in his entire life.) She came off as being fiercely protective and loving but she left him. For those exact reasons but … he just didn’t know.

 “I …”

 “You had better not say that you’re fine with it.” Lance growled beside him.

 “Lance?” Keith looked over at him stunned.

 “She’s your mother! She should…”

 “She went into an undercover mission, Lance. She can’t just drop - ”

 “You’re her son! That should take precedence over everything.” Lance shouted and turned away from him. “You almost died and not once did she make a call or tried to come. It’s …. god if any of our family had a chance then - ”

 “None of your families are head long in the middle of this war.” Keith snapped. “She been in this for longer than we have. I know she must have a good reason.”

 He wanted to believe that was true. Had to. He matched Lance glare and sighed when he turned away from him.

 “Keith, you have to admit it is a bit odd.” Shiro approached, ignoring the way Keith trained that glare on to him. “She was so protective of you when you guys came back together. It was obvious that she really cares deeply about you. You have to find this a bit strange.”

 “It’s not that I don’t … I do.” He clench his fist. “I just don’t want to think that she’s completely a Blade and the mission is always first.”

 “Keith.” Hunk reached out to him before he could touch him though Keith stepped back.

 “Look, I’m okay. You guys are here and I’ve been without her for the most of my life. I’m fine.”  He lied and started to walk out of the room. “I’m heading back to my room for a nap. I’m … I’m tired.”

 Keith was grateful that no one followed him. What Lance said was true and that was hard to swallow and only reawakened fears he had managed to bury in the previous year but more than the thought that Krolia’s priorities were skewed was his overwhelming fear that he was going to end up alone again. Cause if his own mother didn’t find him worthy to be around, what about the team. They had easily said goodbye before and worked perfectly well without him. He coughed and clutched at the tightness in his chest. Biting his lip, he moved quietly back to his room.

  
  
They floated for one more quintant before moving on. After the mention of Krolia no one brought it up again, something Keith was grateful for. He didn’t know how he was going to handle another conversation about her. As they moved out of the nebulas and into open space the peace slowly ended. The nightmares came back, creeping in slowly but strong enough to make him lose his appetite again.

 Keith sat up groggy from the strange dream, not quite a nightmare and yet just as terrifying in a way. Unfamiliar rooms of a Galran ship filled with screams that blended with his own memories of pain, it left him confused and irritated. He felt bad he could tell that his own mood was transferring to the others. He rubbed at his shoulder at the increasingly familiar sensation of the magic crawling under his skin. The knock on his door had his hackle raising for a fight.

 “Keith?” Shiro opened his door carefully and peeked in.

 “What?” He snapped, glaring hard at the floor.

 “Just wondering how you were holding up. Allura said that it’ll be just a little longer before we enter the same quadrant as Geb.” Shiro ignored the way his neck tensed when he came into the room, the weird pull in his stomach and Black’s warning growl.

 “I’m fine. I’d just wish everyone would stop asking.” Keith stood and glared at him. “I’m not weak and I’m not as helpless as everyone thinks I am now. I’m tired of all of you babying me!”

 “Keith we - ” Shiro started and froze into a defensive stance when Keith punched the wall hard by him. He hadn’t seen him move to attack him.

 “You all are irritating and I … I - ” Keith growled feeling flames racing across his arm and face. Blinking at it, he then looked at Shiro and felt his forearm against his throat. Horrified, he leapt back from him and struggled to swallow. “Shiro, I … I’m … I didn’t …”

 Shiro didn’t say anything and grabbed Keith’s arm before he could back away from him any further. Keith struggled for a split second before burying himself into Shiro embrace. “I’m sorry, Shiro. I didn’t realize I had moved till …”

 “Its okay. It's going to be okay.” Shiro pressed his cheek into the top of his head.

 “Its not!! What if I hurt you or - ” Keith felt his throat close.

 “You didn’t and wouldn’t have. I think you just wanted me out. You punched the wall, not me.” Shiro glanced down at him. “Keith, no one thinks you’re weak or helpless. We don’t mean to make it seem like we’re babying you but we’re worried. We care about you and want to make sure that we don’t lose you.”

 “I know. I know but I’m …” He sighed and pressed his head against him. “I’m frustrated, I hurt all of the time, I can’t stand that I can’t help all of you. It’s been four phoebs since it happened and I don’t even remember two of them. I just feel so … useless.”

 “Staying cooped up in your room doesn’t help either. Even if you can’t help us in a fight, at least be there.” Shiro huffed.

 Keith huffed through his nose and nodded. They stood like that for a little while more before Keith shifted away. “You said something about Allura?”

 “Yeah, she said that we’re going to be entering the same quadrant as Geb soon. We might be able to see it in the next few vargas.” Shiro watched him carefully, taking note of the trembling in Keith’s limbs that he didn’t realize that was happening and the exhaustion in his eye. “Be honest with me, Keith.”

 Keith looked up at him and waited.

 “Are you okay?”

 “I don’t know.”

  
Keith answered Shiro’s question truthfully and they spent the next few hours sitting on his floor talking. For a moment, Keith could imagine that he was back in the Garrison sitting on the roof making up stories about space. Well, he guessed that now the stories are all real. Once they grew stiff and laughed at how old they were starting to feel, Shiro left to talk to Allura most like about what had happened between them. The rise of shame made his stomach hurt. He couldn’t feel like he could go face that just yet so he walked around.

 “Look who came out of his cave.” Pidge grinned at him over her three screens. “Haven’t seen you come anywhere near the lions in a while.”

 “Yeah … when Red locked me out of the hangar, it's been a little hard to come down here.” He looked around then up to Green. He stood his ground despite feeling like the lion seriously disapproved of him being in here.

 “For good reason. There was a few times when the alarm went off and you tried to pilot.” Pidge stretched and looked up to Green.

 Keith hummed and sighed.

 “Antsy.” She murmured and smirk when Keith flinched. “We should be there soon.”

 “Yeah, Shiro told me.” He said under his breath.

 Pidge watched him for a moment before turning her attention to the screens. “So… about you saving Lance and Hunk.”

 Keith looked at her slowly and felt his heart flutter with nerves. “Yeah?”

 “You said that you didn't think twice, you just had to save them. But in most of the nightmares you’ve dazedly screamed about, it was Lance.” Pidge looked up at him.

 Keith mentally stumbled and flushed. Dazedly screamed? What in the hell? Looking at her, he pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “Ah … well I don’t …”

 “Wow, you really didn’t think about the why at all do you?” Pidge grinned and crossed over to him. He glared at her and felt even more confused when she patted him on the shoulder. “You might want to start.”

 “Pidge.”

 “Come on, I’ve been watching our map and we should be coming up on Geb.”

 Keith stared after her as she left the hangar and felt like he was missing something.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to find art for this take a peek at my tumblr: http://artsyfartsywhatnot.tumblr.com/tagged/artsyfarstytrash you'll find them mostly under the older paladin shenanigans tag.


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